endless forms most beautiful

Closing the Teach For America Blogging Gap
Apr 28 2011

I just need to get to Sunday

and then I can breathe again.

I have my interview with North Star on Friday. I am really, truly fighting to stay calm. I know this is a bad idea, but I am still tweaking my lesson plan and trying to make things clearer. I still have no idea whether it will be age-appropriate. I am still pretty sure that I will run out of time– and wouldn’t that be terrible? My time was actually cut by 10 minutes (but the same objectives!) so it is very hard to cut it down more when I felt like I was cramming for 55. The North Star activities (Do Now, Words of Inspiration, Oral Drill, and Exit Ticket) all take up very valuable minutes. I will really only have 30 minutes for 5 objectives. I could spend 30 minutes teaching and modeling ONE of the five. Blegh.

My boyfriend is getting pretty tired of my fretting and I don’t blame him. I am not at all accustomed to failure- and I don’t say that to sound pompous. I am the type of person who apologizes when I hand in an exam with one blank MC question– and then I write an e-mail to the professor later that night explaining my embarrassment at not being better prepared. I avoid making a fool of myself at all costs, I don’t cut loose and wing it. Ever. I am uptight. And it’s rearing ugly right now. My better half keeps telling me to remember that it DOES NOT matter if I mess up this interview. Logically, I know it doesn’t. He is right. I will get other interviews and won’t have the first-time jitters and might do a decent job. But, man oh man, I am terrified of embarrassing myself, of being unprepared, of failure. So, I keep chanting “it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter” over and over in my head.

It’s almost funny because every interview that I’ve ever been on has left me with positive feedback– my confidence being the primary virtue extolled. And once I start, I really do find a comfortable groove. It’s just getting there. It’s so hard. I JUST need to get there and start and it will be okay.

So, interview on Friday… why do I need to get to Sunday? Oh yes, Praxis on Saturday morning. 7:30. Have I studied? Can’t say I have. I did browse through the Study Guide and I won’t need to review the science, most of the math (except geometry…), and most of the English (except the pedagogy…), but the History will be a Friday- Saturday cram session. I’m hoping with all MC questions I will be able to figure things out, but I haven’t studied history (sans Pre-history) in 5 years.

Sunday, you will be beautiful and I can’t wait for your arrival.

Then, TFUs, I hope these melodramatic posts will cease (’til Institute at least…)!

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